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Learn to Communicate

One of the major problems in relationships is communication.  Simply talking things out is an essential factor, but it is much more  easily said than done. Why? The answer is that many people do not  communicate effectively. It is not that they don't want to-they may  desperately want to work out problems, explain viewpoints, and discuss  differences. The problem may be that they cannot communicate because  even with sensitive ears they cannot hear!

Most people fall into one of two possible categories of  suggestibility-physical suggestibility or emotional suggestibility.  Actually, every person has characteristics of both, but one or the other is usually stronger, or dominant. These characteristics have a great  deal to do with how people hear.

While it may not be the best illustration, some hypnotherapy  practitioners consider physical suggestibility to be some what parallel  to an extrovert type of personality, while emotional suggestibility  relates more to the introvert type. The point is that people tend to  listen in accordance with their personality make-ups. People hear in  the same manner in which they speak. Those with opposing types of  suggestibilities have more difficulties with communication.

One couple recently came into a hypnotherapy office to discuss  serious relationship problems. The husband proved to be a real  loudmouth, shouting at his wife as well as the therapist. When his shy  and gentle wife asked him if we could discuss this matter quietly, he  simply continued to shout. He didn't hear her request. And she  certainly was not hearing (in the sense of comprehending) his message.  The therapist asked the husband to speak more softly. The shouting  continued. Finally the therapist shouted in an equally loud voice:  "Now just shut up for a while or get out!"

For Service In the West Georgia Area, Please tedContact

Ted Ceccoli, MA

Certified Hypnotherapist;
Licensed Professional Counselor

by email or

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There was the possibility, of course, that the client would become  angry, get up and walk out-a calculated risk. However the husband  looked around sharply and asked 'Was I speaking too loudly?' He had no  idea how he sounded. His nature was to speak loudly, and when his wife  (trying to avoid what she felt would be a confrontation) failed to  reply, he assumed she was not hearing him and shouted even more loudly.

Suggestibility Can Be Altered

After explaining the communications problems-the wife could not  respond to loudness and the husband was indifferent to softer  language-the two were hypnotized sitting side by side. They were  regressed to the early days of their marriage, allowed to feel again the sensations, caring feelings and love that existed in the beginning.  They were programmed to understand and even modify their modes of  listening and communication. Finally, under hypnosis, the husband was  instructed to reach over, take his wife's hand, while both of them  re-lived the experience of early love.

The hypnotherapist estimated that five or six sessions would be  necessary to resolve the feelings, modify the suggestibility and  establish solid communication. The clients canceled their second  appointment, advising that they had re-discovered each other, and  considered the problem resolved.

It is important to remember that each person receives messages in  much the same mode that is used to send them. Considering the  attraction of opposites, it is not to be unexpected that physically  suggestible people often marry emotionally suggestible partners. As the initial newness and tenderness fades with passing time, the tendency  grows to revert to the mode which is characteristic for the  suggestibility type. Communication problems become virtually  inevitable. Problems understandably can increase further with the  realization that people, in addition to physical or emotional  suggestibility, are affected by the existence of physical and emotional  sexuality.

Sexuality vs. Suggestibility

Suggestibility reflects learning characteristics. Sexuality reflects performing characteristics (sexual or otherwise). Where  partners have apparent sexual incompatibility, an evaluation of  sexuality type is warranted. Where the types of sexuality differ  dramatically, response tendencies tend to create problems.

In the effort to avoid hurt, confusion or conflict, an individual  may consciously alter either sexual or suggestible behavior and develop  incongruent behavior (where suggestibility is in the unnatural position  of being opposite to the person's sexuality). This can create confusion and communication breakdown resulting in severe relationship conflicts  plus inner turmoil within the individual exhibiting the incongruent  behavior.

Hypnotherapy can measure both sexuality and suggestibility, and  where differences are relatively minimal; partners usually will have  enough flexibility to maintain balance and communication through periods of stress or upheaval. Where one partner, for example, is 80% physical and the other is 80% emotional, difficulties are reasonably  predictable.

Therapy may consist of measuring suggestibility and sexuality,  seeing partners individually at first. Otherwise the participants may  disagree on the evaluations, since they will see responses differently.  Subsequently the partners may be seen together, at which time  suggestibility and sexuality may be explained, so that partners  understand why they see or hear things differently, discussing the  literal style of communication of the physically suggestible and the  inferential style of the emotionally suggestible.

Hypnotherapy can bring understanding of relationship  communications, awareness of the possibilities of modifications of  attitudes and suggestibilities and sexualities, and the importance of  and need for creating feelings of confidence and security in and  regarding the relationship itself.

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