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Sex Can (And Should) Be Wonderful
One of the nation's outstanding hypnotherapists who is also a psychologist has commented that good sex is simply an erotic trance. When the similarities between hypnosis and satisfying sex are considered, he is quite correct. Effective hypnosis involves high focus and concentration on the matter being dealt with. So does effective sex. In hypnosis there is a strong response to suggestion. In sex there is a strong response to stimulation.
Sex therapists may not know much about hypnosis. But hypnotherapists surely need to know about sex. From any approach the basic effort is to free patients from worries, distractions, emotions or other disturbances so as to develop a focused state of awareness. Orgasm may well be the ultimate trance-sensations are powerful, highly concentrated to the point where all other thoughts, feelings, sensations or emotions are obliterated from the mind.
When problems develop in sexual performance or enjoyment, a logical approach is (as in many other problem areas) to look for causes. What has happened? When did problems begin? How did they progress? Quite often hypnotic regression may prove revealing, locating sources of problems and indicating the appropriate therapeutic procedures to resolve them.
It is valuable at the outset to determine the client's dominant type of sexuality-physical or emotional. Normal people are a blend of both, though one is usually a bit stronger. Sexuality, as with suggestibility, can be measured to determine the dominant type and evaluate its relative factor of strength. The physically sexual person is likely to be a bit more outgoing, even aggressive, sexually. To the emotional sexual, feelings are probably more internal. For effective therapy it is important to identify sexuality type in order to understand response.
While marital compatibility has been studied, reported and written about in volumes, personality compatibility has received minimal attention. It has long been recognized that opposites attract-this factor is usually responsible for the "spark" that draws people together. Yet the same "opposite" element provides the breeding ground for future conflict, communication problems, lack of understanding of intents and emotions and other factors which mature into insecurities. Understanding sexuality types, then, can facilitate compatibility.
Viva la Difference
There is an old story told about a forum on sexuality at which a famous professor explained to the audience that "there is really very little difference between the male and the female." Before he could proceed further a resounding male voice called out from the back of the hall in an unmistakably French accent: "Vive la difference!"
A client who, for example, is 60% physically suggestible is therefore also 40% emotionally suggestible, and has enough emotional suggestibility to understand, appreciate and adjust to the needs and personality of a partner who is dominantly emotionally suggestible. On the other hand, a client who is 80% physically suggestible is likely to have a much more difficult time either understanding or adjusting to an emotional suggestible mate. Some work is almost certain to be needed to modify the suggestibilities involved so as to bring them within ranges of psychological compatibility, saving the relationship and making it more enjoyable. Sexuality type refers to behavior-performance-not simply in sexual matters but in all aspects of life, dealing with situations as well as relationships. Counseling and hypnotherapy can provide opportunities and means to make directional changes that can avoid detrimental life patterns and open doors to successful and joyful living.
Determining Factors
Some authorities on sexuality claim that a person's type of sexuality is determined by the father (or father figure) in a family, usually in pre-teen or early teen years. Children who have fathers who are physically oriented-demonstrative, verbal, outgoing-are likely to emerge with physically sexual characteristics. In cases where the mother is of the physically sexual type, and the father is not, emotional sexuality is likely to develop.
However, the above is not always the case. Sometimes a child will develop opposite sexuality from the father because sexuality is affected by how the child perceives the father's behavior and an inaccurate perception can alter the development process.
Major differences in types of sexuality can be relationship-shattering. The most permanent solution to such problems lies in behavior modification. Hypnotherapy can assist clients with extreme differences that may exist out of ignorance and/or misinformation. Understanding is necessary to remove fears and permit relaxation so as to adopt or accept some of the behavioral patterns characteristic of opposite sexuality types.
As modification enables behavior patterns to become less extreme on either side of the center, a balance can develop between closeness and distance, both of which are necessary in rewarding relationships. This results from the achievement of better balance between the physical and emotional sexuality characteristics of the partners involved, and leads to understanding, appreciation and communication levels which can prove mutually satisfying while increasing relationship bonds.
Hypnotherapy has proved wonderfully helpful in dealing with psychosomatic sexual problems-impotence, frigidity, etc.-and in enhancing self-esteem and confidence where necessary. The development of a positive self-image is always an important factor in adjusting to the needs and desires of partners and achieving the ultimate in relationship security.
Content on this page ©1999 National Guild of Hypnotists, Merrimack, NH 03054
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